


Thunder Only Happens When It's Raining

by Yakkai



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dreams, M/M, Symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-30
Updated: 2012-11-30
Packaged: 2017-11-19 22:41:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/578398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yakkai/pseuds/Yakkai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Castiel are both missing something in their lives. Only through dreams do they realize it is each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thunder Only Happens When It's Raining

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Fleetwood Mac.
> 
> Italicized text is taken from dreammoods.com, and is not mine, although is edited for length and grammar.

_//Certain dreams are so huge, so compelling, and so vivid that you cannot ignore them. The details of such dreams remain with you for years, as if you just dreamed it last night. These dreams possess much beauty and contain archetypal symbolism. When you wake up from such a dream, you feel that you have discovered something profound or amazing about yourself or about the world. It feels like a life-changing experience.//_

Sam immediately notices there is no sun in the sky. It’s black and starless, and the world looks cast in the glow of a moon, bluish and ethereal, but he inherently knows that it’s day out. In fact, he can feel the warmth of a sun upon him. It hits him on his back, spreading warmth down his neck and shoulders, and he relishes in the feeling.

He tries to gain some bearing of his surroundings, and it’s not like any place he’s ever seen or known. He’s at the grassy foot of a hill, and the long, honey-colored grass shudders in synchronicity. It all seems to be waving in one direction, beckoning Sam. He begins to follow the grass, over the crest of the hill, and he becomes acutely aware that he is barefoot.

Sam feels armorless, like he’s got no barrier between him and this strange land. This, more than anything else thus far, unsettles him. He treads carefully, paying very close attention to where his feet are falling, but he soon finds he has no reason to worry. The earth here is smooth underfoot; no jagged rocks or sticks to slow his way.

With most of the hill behind him, he re-evaluates his surroundings. There are a few trees here and there, scattered like freckles on the land, and their leaves appear to glow blue. In the distance ahead of him, he can see a footpath. He feels a tug, something in his stomach, pulling him toward it. He knows it’s what he’s supposed to do. 

Sam’s nearly reached the path when he hears footfalls behind him. They’re quick, light, and he knows they don’t belong to a human. He braces himself, then whips around. It’s a wolf. It is the first sign of life he has seen here besides the souls of the plants that dot the landscape. The animal’s shoulders are tall and proud, its coat white and eyes green. Sam knows instinctively that it’s Dean, knows it in the eyes and the set of the wolf’s tail. 

It bares its teeth at him in the approximation of a smile.

“Hey, Sammy,” it begins, the familiar rumble of Dean’s voice sparking his heart alive. Seeing Dean assuages his fears. In this place where everything is unfamiliar, his voice is like a guiding light; Sam feels grounded, tethered. Dean is not all knowing, he realizes, but something about his presence here suggests that he knows what Sam needs.

“Why am I here?” Sam inquires. The wolf circles near to him now, tail brushing against him.

“You know why, Sam. You feel it.” He swallows, not entirely sure what Dean is talking about.

“What is ‘it’?” The wolf wheezes out a laugh, and the noise is completely foreign, all animal, none of his brother in the sound.

“Him.” Like that, the wolf is loping away, quickly disappearing into the glowing trees, and Sam is alone again. 

_//To see a white wolf in your dream signifies valor and victory. You have the ability to see the light even in your darkest hours.//_

Sam tries to think about what Dean could have meant, that he could feel ‘it’ here, could feel ‘him’. As he wanders towards the footpath, he wonders if ‘it’ is anything to do with the insistent feeling of sunshine on his back. He doesn't understand it, doesn't see a sun in the black sky, but he can still feel tendrils of heat soaking into his skin. Now that he is alone again, this feeling of warmth, more than anything else, persuades him forward. He reaches the closest copse of trees, where the path begins, and he realizes that the path is not worn into the grass at all. Instead, it is made up of millions of small, smooth stones. Absentmindedly, he thinks any of the pebbles would be perfect for skipping on the water.

He steps onto the path, stones sliding underfoot. As he steps, they almost seem to propel him forward, moving forward underneath his feet and quickening his pace. The trees transform from copse to thicket, and soon enough, Sam is in a forest. He’s not certain why, since he couldn't discern a light source, but the farther into the forest he goes, the darker it becomes. He becomes uneasy, treading very carefully. He is suddenly very grateful that the path is so tangible, easy to feel underfoot. He uses it now to guide his way.

_//To dream that you are in or walking through the forest signifies a transitional phase. Follow your instincts. Alternatively, it indicates that you want to escape to a simpler way of life. You are feeling weighed down by the demands of your life.//_

Ahead of him, Sam begins to see a very faint glow. Were there any other light at all, the glow would be indistinguishable, but pitch dark as the forest is, it’s a steady beacon. His path was leading him right to it. As he comes closer, he realizes that his path leads him right to a marsh. Thick as the trees are, there is no way around it. Dancing and flickering lambently on the surface of the marsh are dozens of will-o’-the-wisp. Almost immediately, Sam’s guard goes up. He knows well that will-o’-the-wisp are mischievous spirits and will do their best to lead him astray.He chooses not to follow them, but instead uses their light to find his way. He steps into the marsh, water up to his chest, but he doesn't feel wet at all. He can feel how cold the water is against his skin, but he doesn't feel it seeping into his clothing.

As he wades, he can feel himself becoming more sure of his path. Even with the wisps forming a tantalizing path in the opposite direction, he knows that this is where he’s supposed to go. Dean was right; he could feel it, and it was pulling him this way. The glow of the wisps fades as he nears the other end of the marsh, but he knows his path is true. He climbs out of the marsh, earth loamy and cool beneath his hands. Sam realizes as he gets to his feet that he wasn't damp at all.

With the will-o’-the-wisp far behind him, his path has grown dark again, and he has set himself back on the trail of stones. They click and clack against each other underneath his feet, and the noise gives him some company in this silent wood. After Sam has walked for some time, he begins to see again, the trees growing scarcer and the light dispersing throughout the woods. Soon, there are no trees at all, and he can see very clearly the way his path is leading him.

_//To see or dream that you are at a marsh suggests instability in your emotional realm. You may be feeling bogged down, insecure or unsure about the future or how to go about with achieving your goals.//_

He looks down into the valley, and he cannot see to the bottom. The valley seems to shine brightly, as if it is the source of all light in the land. If there is a sun in this place, Sam is certain it has found its way to the basin of the chasm. Past the mouth of the valley, the hill slopes greatly downward. He takes a few cautionary steps, but quickly the pebbles are sliding out from underneath him, and he is shouting as he finds himself rapidly skidding down the path to the bottom. The closer to the bottom he gets, the brighter the light becomes, until when he reaches the bottom, it is almost unbearable. He hits the ground with his bottom, pebbles showering down after him, hitting his shoulders and back.

_//To dream that you are in a valley symbolizes fertility, abundance, or your need to be sheltered and protected. If you are entering or walking through a valley, then it is analogous to your issues of death and dying. This death may be symbolic as in an end to something in your life. Alternatively, the dream represents life’s struggles and hardships before you can achieve some spiritual enlightenment or epiphany. //_

Sam knows he has to go toward the light, but he almost cannot bear to. He covers his eyes with his hand, splaying his fingers a bit to allow himself some sight. He notices that his heart feels weightless, airy. The closer he gets to the light, the more this feeling increases, until he is so close to it that he feels as though he can soar. The light shines so bright that he can’t tell where it’s coming from, so he edges closer to it until the light begins to make his skin feel hot. He does the only thing he can think to do and reaches out his hand far in front of him.

His fingers brush against the light, and immediately it dims. The light grows smaller and smaller until it is a flickering glow the size of a tennis ball, and it is floating in the air where he touches it. He steps closer to the light, blue and perfect, and he cups it in his hands and holds it to his chest. It dances about excitedly, and he feels jolts of energy where it touches his skin. This light, this presence, feels so familiar to him in a way he can’t explain. The feeling of it in his hand sparks familiarity, even though he is certain it is a thing he has never experienced. This light makes him feel whole, better. Like it’s all going to be okay if he just holds onto it. It seems to thrive by Sam touching it.

Suddenly, Sam knows, puts all the pieces together. He knows what Dean meant, knows that the light is ‘Him’, and he knows exactly why he’s here and what he needs to do with this light. He raises his cupped hands, and he brings the light to his lips, warmth quivering through him. The moment it touches his lips, the light grows blinding again, and he squeezes his eyes shut. He can’t feel the warmth on him anymore, but he can’t see anything to discern where it might have gone. Suddenly, he feels a brush against his lips, and then he is being kissed. His eyes flutter open, and he is greeted with ice blue eyes, open, and bluer than any he’s ever seen.

It’s Castiel. Sam is kissing Castiel, and it seems exactly the reason that he’s here, exactly the thing that he needs to be doing. It’s slow and sweet, and Castiel’s chest is pressed against his, and his hands grip Sam’s shoulders. At this moment, Sam intends to never stop doing this. It seems unreal, and perfect, and he knows this is what he was missing all along. Sam can feel Castiel’s smile against his, and Sam’s heart gets that lighter than air feeling.

When he can finally think to break way from Cas, many kisses and touches later, he notices that his world is astoundingly different. Everything is bright and beautiful, the plant life seems to sing in the grace of the wind, and the ground is kissed by sunbeams. Sam looks up, and it seems exactly right that a blue sun hangs high in the yellow sky.

_//To dream of sunshine indicates that you are experiencing some sort of emotional or situational breakthrough. The dream is offering you reassurance that you are headed on the right track.//_

*

The first thing that Castiel realizes is that he is lying on the floor. He finds this a bit unusual, as it isn’t where he remembers falling asleep. He glances around the room and realizes that everything is very, very bright. All the colors in the room seem extremely saturated, and it almost hurts his eyes to look.

Castiel very quickly notices that he is not alone in the room. In fact, Dean is standing at his feet, staring down at him on his place on the floor. Dean is also very bright, his skin almost pink and his shirt a strange shade of kelly green. His eyes very neatly match his shirt.

“Dean, what am I doing here?” Castiel implores. Dean looks a bit alarmed by Castiel’s question, and startles out of his reverie when he hears Castiel’s voice. Dean seems to remember something then, and he reaches down and pulls Castiel up to his feet by his lapel.

“Come on, Cas, we gotta go,” Dean urges, flitting around the room and gathering his things into a duffel. Castiel takes a moment to survey the room. It looks like nearly any other hotel room they had ever stayed in, two queen beds, hideous curtains, and yellowing wallpaper. The only difference here being that the beds were neon pink and the yellowing wallpaper had turned a truly astounding shade of canary.

_//To see a hotel in your dream signifies a new state of mind or a shift in personal identity. You are undergoing some sort of transition and need to move away from your old habits and old way of thinking.//_

Castiel notices on one of the beds, the bed on the right that is always ascribed to Sam, there is a set of Sam’s clothes laid out neatly. There is a flannel shirt and jeans tidily smoothed out on the comforter and a pair of Sam’s boots at the foot of the bed. Castiel knows that these particular items are Sam’s favorites. It becomes very apparent to him that Sam is not here.

“Where is Sam?” Castiel inquires, turning back to Dean who is trying, with some difficulty, to shove a broadsword into his duffel. Dean manages to stuff the sword into his bag, and he zips it up before turning to Castiel. 

“Don’t worry about him, we have to go or we’re gonna be late to the party.” Dean grabs him by the sleeve, yanking him toward the door. Castiel tries to conjure up any memory of a party they were set to attend. He knows he is not forgetful by nature, but for the life of him he can’t recall any such thing.

“What par—” He begins to say, but as Dean shoves him out the front door he is silenced by what he sees. All around them, the ground has crumbled away. The only bit of earth Castiel can see is the pavement the hotel is on and its parking lot, and one road out. He tries to peer over the edge of the cliff, but the chasm is so deep it is filled with fog.

It is at this moment that Castiel realizes he is dreaming. He’s only experienced it a few times before, newly human as he is. Dreams are a strange experience, he understands. He is in a place within his own mind where everything is not as he knows it to be, and he has no control over it. He supposes if this is the case, he should just let it be and go along with it. He has a feeling this dream is trying to tell him something.

Dean ushers him into the car, and Castiel tries again to ask him about the party and where they are going. Dean doesn’t answer, doesn’t say anything at all. Castiel decides Dean is either ignoring him or has gone deaf. Whatever the case, he stops trying to talk to him, and instead watches out the car’s window.

He doesn’t see the nothingness he expects. Instead, played out over the sky, he sees his own past, flashes and pieces of imagery. He sees many things, from his beginning to now, and it surprises him what his mind chooses to recall. He sees his first flight, his first experience with a human, the first time he died. It saddens him some, watching this. He will never have any of these experiences again. He knows that his human mind is frail, so he will begin to forget them all, one by one.

The sky seems to reflect this, and when Castiel looks far ahead, out the windshield, he can see nothing but white. He twists around in his seat, looking at what they have already driven past, and the sky there has become blank, too. He looks to Dean, and Dean seems to notice none of this, gaze vacant and set ever forward.

_//To dream about a memory suggests that you are ready to rid yourself of your old ways and undergo a transformation. You are ready for a new outlook in life. To dream that your memory is getting or has been erased means that you must let go of the past in order to move forward with your life. //_

When he turns back to look out the windshield, he comes to the startling revelation that they are no longer sitting in the car. They are walking through a thick jungle, side by side, and the Impala is nowhere in sight. Castiel absorbs his surroundings, and objectively he knows they’re quite lovely. The jungle is lush and green, has that same too-bright feeling as the hotel room. The very air around them seems hazy and verdant, and Castiel feels weighed down by it, although he cannot feel its temperature upon his skin.

“Not much farther,” Dean says, pushing ahead of him. Dean brushes thick leaves and tangled vines aside to march ever onward. The jungle is mostly dark, a few dots of light seeping through the thick canopy and marking the ground. It is also eerily quiet, filled with none of the vibrant sounds of life characteristic of a jungle. Even when the wind rushes through, there is no hush-hush sound of leaves dancing over leaves.

Ahead of Dean, Castiel can see a bright patch of light where the canopy must be broken. He can’t discern what exactly the light is shining on, but as they step closer he can see it’s a clearing. Dean takes a step further and he is fully immersed in the light of the clearing. Castiel follows behind him, the light pouring onto his skin and warming him. When his eyes finally adjust to the brightness, he can see that the clearing is filled with wrapped boxes, gifts in all shapes and sizes; there is almost no room to walk for how many presents there are.

“It’s your party, Cas. Happy birthday.” Dean beams at him and gestures at all the gifts strewn about. “Go on, open one!” Castiel is quite confused by all of this.

“Dean, I don’t have a birthday.” He tries to reason, attempting to make Dean understand. “I was never born in the way that people understand.”

Dean ignores the comments and surveys all the gifts. He seems to consider each one, with their brightly colored paper and ribbons, before reaching a decision. There is a small package sitting alone on a stump. It has red wrapping paper and is tied up with a simple blue ribbon, and Dean is pressing it into his hands. Castiel takes it, cradles it in his hands.

The present feels warm and wet. Castiel notices that the bottom of the package is damp and something is leaking out of it. He looks at his hand. It’s blood. He flickers his eyes up to Dean’s to try and glean some sort of insight, but Dean has the same unflinching smile. Fingers trembling and covered in blood, Castiel unties the ribbon and peels the paper away. He steadies his hand and pulls the box open.

It’s a human heart, beating steady, even free of its confines. Castiel doesn’t touch it, just leaves it in the box, because he doesn’t want to damage it. The heart is a beautiful thing, but he does not know why he is its recipient, or what he is going to do with such a thing.

“It’s Sam’s.” Dean supplies. “He wanted you to have it.” Castiel’s head swims, suddenly understanding why Sam wasn’t there with them, why his clothes were so neatly lain on the hotel bed. He tries to comprehend why Sam would give this to him, why Sam would trust him with this. It was sacred, and Castiel felt so very undeserving. He felt empty at the idea of Sam sacrificing this for him.

“It’s to replace yours.”

Castiel doesn’t understand why he would need a replacement until he looks down at himself and sees the gaping, bloody hole in his chest. He shudders out a gasp, dropping the package onto the ground. He grasps at the hole, prodding his fingers inside, feeling nothing. He has no heart. Castiel covers the hole with his hand, trying to stop the blood leaking out, trying to hide his shame. All the same, Dean still smiles.

“Well, go on.” Dean gestures to the heart in the box.

Castiel is supposed to put Sam’s heart in his chest, let Sam’s heart fill up his ribcage and make him whole. It makes no sense, and yet it seems so clear and true. Castiel pulls the heart out of the box on the ground, feeling it pulse warmly in his quivering hand. He knows it is right. He pushes the heart into the hole in his chest, and he can feel it connecting itself to him, fixing him from the inside. For a moment, his chest feels white hot. When he looks down again the hole is gone, and he is free and clean from blood.

He had been saddened that Sam would do this, cut his own heart from his chest to fix Castiel’s shortcomings. He had been saddened to think that Sam was dead or heartless somewhere. Now, when he feels the heart beat strong and perfect inside of him, he knows Sam is neither of those things. Sam is here, within him, filling him up and making him whole.

_//To see your heart in your dream signifies truth, courage, love, and romance. It is representative of how you are currently dealing with your feelings and expressing your emotions. To dream that you have a heart transplant or heart surgery indicates a huge change in your personal relationship. //_


End file.
